sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
