I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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