doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
