No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
