Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
