Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
