come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
