wake up i wanna do it froggy style
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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