If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize