Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
