I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
