Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
