can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
