I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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