dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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