I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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