Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
