There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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