dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
