I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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