There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
