i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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