i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
how drunk are you?
Several
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
