I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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