What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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