I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
