Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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