found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
