Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
