Already got asked if we're dating
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
