All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
