my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize