My Higher Power is John Stamos
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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