I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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