Whod you bang
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
