Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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