i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
