i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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