Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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