She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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