'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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