My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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