I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
