I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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