Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
