Already got asked if we're dating
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
