dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
