So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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