haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
