Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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