Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
