therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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