Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
