So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
