Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
