You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
God, you're like boner-b-gone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize