i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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