is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
