He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
