You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize