then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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