i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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