I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize