i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
