if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
