just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
