its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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