I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
