She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
