Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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