i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
