so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
